Dear Child | December 2013

My sweet little Caspian,

Its close to the end of the year now and I can’t help but think how grateful I am to have you. You’ve grown so much this year and learned so many things, you now know most of your letters, speak key words in spanish and can write out your name. You are my little companion in everything, never have I felt lonely since you came into my life. Everyday you convince me that the light is stronger than the darkness. Laughter from deep in your belly fills our home, with your great big smile and green eyes looking at me I like to remind you that when you are happy I am happy. Sometimes you try to use this against me when you are upset about something letting me know that ‘i am not happy mommy’ whence I forge a sad expression and cry when you burst into laughter covering your mouth and quickly retracting your claim.  Our lunches away from home or ‘mommy & peanut dates’ are my favorite way to spend an afternoon, we have the best conversations there even if we are doing school at the nearby bagel shop. You are so very interesting, you talk of how super heroes save the day, the Smurfs live in the forest, alligators are dangerous, sharks swim so very fast, tornados are scary, how some letters look like another, and how you would like to go on adventures and explore.
There is something you must know about yourself, even at this tender age of four you are an incredibly logical and reasonable thinker. I took most of your toys and limited your tube time significantly, when you realized what was happening you put up a wall (literally! chairs stacked up together) to hinder me from proceeding with my plan to put your toys in the shed, I sat down and explained to you how kids are meant to play outside and use their imagination and the toys would still be there, you not only stop giving a fuss, you understood and even began to help me by taking toys out yourself. 10 minutes later you announced you wanted to play outside, dressed up like a pirate and conquered the seven seas in our backyard. Then again you’ve always been incredibly mature for your age, when you were only 16 months and I felt it was time to wean you off the breast I explained ONCE, showing you a picture of you as a baby “babies drink mommy’s milk, you are not a baby anymore”, the next day you didn’t ask for milk and feeling a bit rejected I even offered only to hear back, ‘not baby ‘nymore”. I was stunned and proud.
Caspian, you’ve given me another wonderful year of being your mama. Its my job to teach you to love God, work hard and find joy in life, but it seems you teach me that and much more daily. I’m not the perfect mother but I’m trying with God’s grace to live a beautiful story of a life not only with you but for you. I may get frustrated and short, lose my patience and walk away huffing when we are in disagreement but that’s only because I don’t like to yell and when I have I’ve lived to regret it. You are my sweet little child,  so thoughtful and tender yet so strong and courageous, my little light when I’m feeling down assuring me that you love me no matter how imperfect I may be.  As we go into another year my plans & dreams revolve around you.  Daddy is getting ready to deploy so it will just be you and me for half the year, I want to show you the importance of finding meaning, having goals, being fearless, the ethics of working hard, balancing life, meditation & prayer , and most importantly keeping your faith.
I love you with all my heart and all my strength,
Your Mama

my canon is up for a tune up so here is a summary of our month through instagram @jennevazquez

Up next please visit Monica Caldera’s blog HERE

View last month’s Dear Child post HERE

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